I hate the city of Chicago 
Man, this place feels like nowhere 
And the traffic makes getting nowhere take that much longer 
I hate the Cubs, the Sox, the Blackhawks, and the Bulls 
I could give a shit about the Pumpkins, Slint or Wilco 
Learn how to make a pizza you fucking jack offs 
Say “Hello” back whens someone says “Hello” you asshole 
I hate O’hare, I hate Midway, I can’t stand Chicago The best part is leaving cause maybe one day I’ll never come back again 
And if I die in this shithole, float my corpse down the Calumet 
Cause I’d rather rot in Gary 
Miller Beach may actually be paradise Alright, Christ, you caught me, this is actually just another divorce song 
Maybe it’s not all of Cook County’s fault 
But it feels like another dogshit day in suck city 
Jesus Christ, could you assholes at least learn how to drive 
Fuck XRT and Fuck Lollapalooza 
You and all your self righteous hipster hoods can go to hell 
I especially hate Bridgeport cause that’s where she lives 
For every reason that she loves it, I can’t stand Chicago But when I head North on Lakeshore Drive I fly and I close my eyes 
And I reach the magic point and I run for magic miles 
Yeah ,when I head North on Lakeshore Drive I fly and I close my eyes 
And I reach the magic point and I run for magic miles 
Lake Michigan becomes an ocean 
And I know somewhere beyond it is waiting just for me No matter how high you dickheads build it, you’ll only ever be in Illinois 
And that will always be way too close to Missouri